The holiday season is upon us again, and many of you will find yourselves reflecting. Of course, you’re bound to be caught up in the whirlwind of Black Friday sales and the quest for the perfect stocking stuffer.
But with the holidays usually comes an underlying sense of wistfulness. At every Thanksgiving table, there is always a empty spot or a empty hook where a stocking was once hung. I wrote in a previous post about the importance I place on teaching my own kids that the holidays are about giving. However, I also try to teach them that Christmas, the holiday we choose to observe, is a time to celebrate family. I’ll look more than once at the empty seats at the family table this year in particular. I’ve been thinking more and more about how to instill in my children the importance of family after recent events. The shine of a new gift will eventually dull, but the warmth of those who love you will never cool.
My own recent experiences aren’t unique to me. Everyone on the planet who has ever loved has also experienced loss. However, the sadness may be more vivid in my mind than in yours. That having been said, I want to use this opportunity to remind you: keep close to those you love. Be affectionate and hold them tightly. I’m not always a good parent. I fall far short more than I excel. But I do believe that there are three ways you can teach your children the importance of family. I’d invite you to share your own, if you see fit.
1. Establish family traditions.
My family follows a few simple family customs. Even though my boys are now ten and eight years old, we still go to the café every year when there is their first snowfall. We still kill a bowl of popcorn and watch Rudolph every Christmas Eve. And we still hold an epic water balloon fight at least once each summer – mess be darned.
Sharing family traditions with your children tells them that you are an important part of their world. Additionally, when they eventually have their own children, they will be able to carry on those customs. When they curl up on the couch with their own children to watch the Christmas special, you’ll know that they always think of you. 2. Respect your commitments. I made a mistake one year. It was a Thursday afternoon, and I’d promised my son that the following day we would “play hooky” from daycare and go meet Santa Claus. My son was almost three at the time, and the excitement on his face could have lit the room.
I walked downstairs after tucking him in, unsure of the time Santa would be “available to meet” the following day. I found out, to my horror, that I had the week wrong all along. The following week was when Santa was supposed to descend from the North Pole. I was literally up all night. I searched and searched for a place that was hosting Santa – the nearest was about a three hour drive from our home. I therefore did what any responsible parent would: I called my dad. Dad donned a suit he had borrowed from the Masonic Lodge to portray Santa Claus. When I think of my son’s expression as he tried to figure out how he recognized Santa’s voice, I still giggle now. However, I kept my word. I firmly believe that keeping promises to our children encourages trust and builds a bond. Kids learn the value of family, the people who will never let them down, through that bond. 3. Don’t just say how much you love them. One of the best ways to communicate with your child is through physical contact. Children learn the value of family ties from the moment they are touched by a parent. They will soon associate your hugs with comfort. Support and encouragement will be shown by placing your hand on their shoulder. Putting them to bed can have a magical and healing effect. Start early. Even fussy infants can be reassured by babywearing; start with an infant carrier or a sling. Your child will learn that the touch of family members is a “good touch,” one that is safe and indicates love as he grows up. I know that as a parent you’ve your own philosophy on sharing family values and family traditions. Why not take the time to share; please feel free to leave your respectful comments below. I encourage you to spend this time with your family, even if you decide not to share. Enjoy your family, including your children and parents.
